Help, my mother in law is driving my crazy!

Since I’m no longer married, I no longer have a mother in law, but mother in law problems are all too common. You meet someone, fall in love, then discover their family isn’t just like yours and you really don’t like the woman. or…you think they don’t like you.

I spoke about this on Sunrise this morning, on my new spot Rachel Goodchild’s Good Advice.

For those who missed it…(and there will be a link coming soon) Here is what I said…

The main problems with MIL relationships is basically it’s a battle of the dominant relationship between you and your partner , and them and their mother. And it needs to be resolved or one of the relationships is going to break down
Two things need to happen here.
1. This is the biggie for you. Accept your MIL may never change. And there is nothing we can do about it. They may never like you, get on with you, be nice to you. And the truth is, it’s their loss. Allow yourself to grieve for the perfect MIL you never had, then move on. It’s going to be ok. One of the hardest things to accept is we can change no ones behaviour except our own. So from today, right now, decide that no matter what happens, it’s not going to bother you. Be the better person in this.
2. But while we are doing that…. people erk us because our boundaries are not in place. So there may need to be some boundary shifting going on- and this is where your husband comes in. Your primary relationship is with each other- not with his mother. So you both need to come up with some firm, fair guidelines and then stick to them about the level of contact you will have with the MIL when she acts up. And stick to it.You DON’T have to have to talk to her for more than five to ten minutes at a time, you do not have to have her around at times that don’t suit you, and you don’t need to cope with abuse. Put the boundaries down, have them agreed on with your husband, then stick to them. And if she reacts- that’s ok- that is HER issue. Own your own boundaries, feel good about them and let her sort out her own reactions. Treat her like a grown up- even if she doesn’t act like one!