Beating the break up blues

The other day a friend asked me if I could add him to Skype to make it easier for us to discuss a meeting we had been to. We then laughed at how many ways we were able to connect with each other- not only could we pick up a phone and chat, we were able to Skype, facebook, tweet on twitter, text, or use a combination of those to chat

It’s no wonder cutting the ties after a break up is hard to do. Not only have you got to deal with that massive gap you had of thinking about the person, spending time with them and planning time together, but you also have all these ways you can still see them, even if they live at the other end of the city.

Some people think the idea of cutting ties after a break up is either a power play, or showing pettiness. But it’s not. It’s a good way to forcibly remove the temptation to carry out any yoyo interactions that go on after a break up. If someone has hurt you, the first thing you want to do is seek comfort.

Many people will seek that comfort from the person who hurt them because that person is not only familiar with them- but familiar with the situation. This is actually one of the reasons abusive relationships happen- the abused has no other support structures, and so they seek resolution and comfort with the person who hurt them. And so the cycle begins again.

So how does that affect your break up process? Well unless you have the will power of a saint; get rid of their cell number and contact information in your phone. All of it. Or keep in their name- but change the number to a good friend- so you’ll call them instead (best you warn them first)

Make a list (You might need someone’s help on this) of things to do instead of call them. I find a physical act such as going for a walk, stomping my feet, or some other physical activity helps, as adrenaline often courses through your body after a break up.

Avoid stimulants. Yes, cut back on the coffee. Break ups often cause us to have a pile of nervous energy shoot through our systems- so don’t give it anymore help than it needs.

Get on that phone and start calling – but not your ex! Force yourself out into social situations. It’s like starting a new fitness regime- it is not going to feel good at all. But once you are in the swing of things you’re going to find it will pay off.

Create pockets of down time to be, well down. Breakups are hard. And you are allowed to grieve. But remember that pain is a good thing. It meant you let someone in to your heart, you let yourself open up to someone, and it means you were real. And if you did it once – you can do it again, and next time there may not be a break up.