Just please yourself

One of the easiest ways to explore your own sexuality is to learn how to pleasure yourself. Men tend to do this more readily than woman, but often only focus on a quick stimulation, and ejaculation, mainly to relieve pressure, quickly done in the shower, or bathroom without their partner knowing. 

One of the important things to discuss with your partner is the absolute ‘ok-ness” of self stimulation. In fact if one or both of you have lost interest in sex it’s one of the simplest and most important parts of the journey towards a better sex life together. 

Men often assume they orgasm on ejaculation but for many men that is not necessarily so. Exploring your own sensuality can make it easier for you to tell your partner what you do and don’t like 

Many women can get to their forties and beyond without having an orgasm. And many have not spent time exploring their own bodies. Women were often never told it was ok, and for many there was a sense that it wasn’t something “good girls” do. With our bodies used for childbirth as well, there is often a sense that our mothering selves don’t fit well with our sexual selves. 

Both sexes when young were often told masturbation was bad, or even evil. However if this was a faith based argument, consider why we were cretead to feel pleasure if not to experience it? We need to know what out bodies like and enjoy so we can tell our partners if and when we have one- and if we don’t…. well it helps you feel alive and as a sexual being. 

If you’ve never played alone and are unsure where to start, the best thing to do is avoid going straight to the genitals. Basically give yourself a bit of foreplay. Find out what parts of the body feels good to touch besides your privates. Trail fingers along your arms, your stomach, your legs. Enjoy the sensuality of the moment.

Sex with a partner or alone is best enjoyed while relaxed. Have a glass of wine, light some candles, and put on some nice music- seduce yourself and enjoy the luxury of the moment