For dating, love and sex advice
Funny what you find when you do a wee google search.
I found an interview I did a few weeks ago with a radio station in Canterbury. It’s about my book, and dating in general. Feel free to listen 
While we are there, I think Kerre Woodham’s review of my book is my favourite- she “got” the book, and realised not just singles will enjoy it
Her review is on the Paper Plus Website
Ok so you’re going out but not talking to anyone? Maybe you need a wing girl. (or guy)
I explained all about them, and why you might be attracting creeps this morning on Sunrise on TV3
It’s really easy. Here’s the basic precept:
The Wing Girl Meeting Method
This is a completely easy and fun way to meet people at parties, bars , anywhere really.
You need two people – you and a wing girl/guy. I do this all the time for people.
You spot a guy you like at a bar, your wing girl goes and introduces themselves, gets the conversation going and then introduces you.
This is good in bigger groups too- and at the very least it extends your social circle.
my book Eighty Eight Dates is full of people who throw common sense out the window and find themselves in the mist of a funny or disastrous situation.
A court case currently running in New Zealand tells of a woman who invited a man she had met that night, after talking for several weeks, home for sex.
The story has so many alarming features: her children were home, they left them alone to drink next doors, she’d sent him nude pictures of her before meeting, and after performing a sexual act on him, he is now accused of raping her.
Whether he did or not, it’s a reminder once again that talking on the internet is not the same as building a relationship in real life.
Take it slow guys!
Ok so maybe I’m just being argumentative (who me???) but I don’t believe there is a man drought- it’s just the single men and single women aren’t finding each other. And when they do find each other they don’t know how to progress to the next step.
Let’s face it, girls generally love to dress up. They want to do a bit of hair removal, lingerie shopping, working out a nice outfit and putting a bit of make up before a date. So guys need to make it worth their while and put a bit of time and effort on your side and plan a nice date
And guys- you’re freaking out us girls just want the white dress and picket fence after the frist date- so us girls need to chill, relax and just enjoy the moment and not race ahaed too fast.
It’s simple really.
I mean I LOVE all the actresses in it. They are beautiful REALLY beautiful.
But it was a pile of crap (to put it nicely.) How sanitised can we make the pain of affairs, mothering, childbirth and divorce? I felt like I was walking through a candy shop of female experience, each one a little more saccharin sweetened than before.
Give me grit, a bit of angst, and some tears and I’ll be happy.
The Secret Life of Bees is another woman centric movie recently released and it couldn’t be more different. it made me laugh hiccupy laughs between the tears, but it was about all the things I love about being a woman- the camaraderie, the gentleness, the sense of shared grief.
Oh,…I’d consider taking a guy to The Secret Life of Bees, but anyone, ANYONE who asks their guy to go to The Woman…what are you thinking? UGH!
if you are struggling getting a guy’s attention, maybe it’s just a bit too hard for him to work out you like him, and aren’t going to bite his head off if he even daires approach you.
I spoke on Sunrise this morning about how women can make it a bit easier on men.
For those of you without fast Internet, it was about the following:
If you want a guy to ask you out girls, then make it easy for them to do so.
While we want them to chase us, and put the effort in, often they are scared of rejection, and tend to be really bad at working out if they like you. So make it easier for them.
a. if they approach you and you don’t think they are your type, be polite anyway. you don’t know if they have a cute friend or who is watching you. it’s good practice regardless. by the way women out in groups are scary for men. break into smaller groups, and spend time scanning the room and making eye contact with people.
b. if they compliment you accept it
c. if they use a pick up line, accept it’s them trying to impress or start a conversation. everyone needs to start somewhere though if the pick pu line involves a large amount of innuendo they might not be looking for a date )
don’t go home with guys the first time you meet them. get them to take YOUR number, not the other way round. if they can’t be stuffed calling then that’s a pretty good indication they aren’t interested.
We often turn off our red flags that tell us a person isn’t right for us. Of course no one is perfect, but there are often behaviours or personality types that don’t ft well with ours, but the attraction between the two people is worth more than the seismic fractures heading through the relationship.
Attraction, that sense of WOWness is pretty powerful stuff. But trust more that sense of whether it’s right or not. A bit of space often works wonders if you aren’t sure. Sometimes the people we are really attracted to will spend alot of time talking to us, and spending time with us, not allowing us to have time out to process whether this is what we really want.
Do you trust your judgement? Or do you just hope that attraction is going to ride out the bumpy bits?
It seems we rush from one experience to another, with barely time to breathe. It’s part of our fast paced society, and it all feels like a bit of a rush. Here we are, just over sharing the sunset with one person, ready to try catch the sunrise with the next.
If you’ve come out of a big relationship, it is going to take a while to be ready for anything serious. The problem is how to sort that when the people you are dating are ready for something deeper.
Being honest with yourself is a big help. If you know what you want, and can inform the other people early on, then it’s up to them to gurd themselves and work out how they’ll relate. They’ll either back right off, cross thier fingers and hope you’ll change your mind, or just come for the ride and enjoy it. What ever they choose, that’s not your problem- as long as you’ve been up front with them.
Dating isn’t just about relationship finding. it’s about being out in the new big wide world you’ve found yourself in, extending social networks and finding out a bit about who you are.
My daughter is heading into that time of her life that she’s becoming a bit aware of life around her. I’m conscious she’s very innocent and part of me wants her to stay that way, but another part of me knows it’s my job, not the playgrounds, to talk to her about love, sex, dating and relationships.
I asked her the other day if she knew where babies came from. “No” she said. “Why? Do you want me to find out so I can tell you? ” I’m figuring as I have her I pretty much know already!
Here are some comments other children have made. Kind of cute
(And yes this is a cut and paste- you may have received it by email)
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
– Lynnette, age 8(isn’t she a treasure)
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
– Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE IF THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
– Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they’re rich.
– Pam, age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.
- – Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.
– Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
– Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
– Ricky, age 10, wisdom beyond years
Apparently I’m alluding to pleasuring yourself when I say this..but I’m not!
I simply mean learn to enjoy your own company. Go to movies by yourself (it’s completely addictive), go to the gym and work hard out, treat yourself to a dinner or lunch at your favourite place.
Learn to not be scared of your own space and find out what makes you cool to hang out with. Let’s face it. If you find yourself boring, chances are others will too.
Find what you are inside so that others can see it too
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